by Alex Leech
Fall is a time when we want to put our best foot forward and set the tone for success for the term ahead. As humans, we get excited at the thought of new beginnings and having a clean slate. But it isn’t long before limiting beliefs start to creep in dulling our renewed sense of drive. And now it’s November so here we are.
Limiting beliefs are negative thought patterns that turn into beliefs about ourselves that limit our potential. When we hold limiting beliefs, we limit possibilities.
Neurodivergent students are already aware they are different, that their teachers are making additional efforts, and that their parents are stressed out about their school performance. When challenges arise, this can reinforce the feeling that they are the problem.
Our beliefs are a complex interplay of our aptitudes and how the world responds to who we are being and how we perform in any given moment and there is much to learn from the neurodiverse community about how we navigate the world around us and how to set ourselves and others up for success.
There are beliefs we may have internalized growing up: “Nobody in our family is good at math.” Others are more subtle and may never have been said out loud: “I am not good enough.” And others form when we don’t achieve the results we had hoped for: “I am not good at making friends.”
Our beliefs inform our behaviours and our behaviours become patterns and our patterns affect our mental health. Judgment of self is a downward spiral as we start to make choices that reinforce those beliefs and then we are more susceptible to adding new negative narratives to the pile.
Like all of us, students who are neurodivergent aim to impress but it often isn’t long before they start to face challenges that either reinforce negative thought patterns and old limiting beliefs or begin to create new ones. Our environments play a big role in our experience, but we may not see how the environment itself is impacting us – and simply blame it on ourselves.
For example, students who are neurodivergent often have a strong sense of self at home but struggle when they go to school. Like many of us, they often feel like they don’t belong or feel misunderstood. They can’t understand why things are easier for their neurotypical peers and struggle with inconsistencies across environments. Their reactions, in turn, often lead to social challenges as they deeply impact their sense of self, confidence and capability. And then the negative beliefs creep in. For example:
| ENVIRONMENTAL FACTOR | IMPACT/LIMITING BELIEF |
| A noisy classroom may inhibit some students from being able to concentrate therefore not being able to complete their work during the allotted time. | Feelings of overwhelm
> I can’t figure this out and I’m not smart. |
| Bulk / “unclear” instructions makes it difficult for planning and prioritizing, task initiation and motivation | Feelings of overwhelm resulting in avoidance.
> I can’t do this, I’m going to fail. |
| Unexpected changes in schedule like a surprise quiz or a substitute teacher. | Can cause dysregulation, increasing anxiety and heightened awareness of difference from others.
I am different/I don’t fit in. I am not good enough. |
Each of us reading this article has had comparable experiences. The lens of the neurodiverse illuminates valuable insights as to how we can be more aware of where our beliefs come from and how we can shift them.
The interference limiting beliefs cause is often difficult to tease out and in working with students who are neurodivergent we need to pay even more attention to the factors contributing to performance. Blanket expectations can impact many students and minimizing how the learning environment is affecting neurodiverse students is a missed opportunity to make learning more accessible for all.
For example, this blog has been written with smaller paragraphs creating more white space – which I am sure we all appreciate in our busy consumption of information. A universal approach to learning benefits all.
Language is particularly critical. A well-intentioned teacher saying “You need to try harder” or “Better luck next time” can make a student feel like they are never going to get better which only reinforces their belief and resulting attitude: “I’m not very good at it now so, I’m never going to be good at it”. Kids start to live from absolutes and the beliefs they entrench set them up to fail.
Shifting from a focus on outcomes to the process of learning is another strategy. This enables us to transform negative self-talk from “I am not good at making friends” to acknowledging a particular situation with “Sometimes it’s hard to make friends”.
The prophecy of labelling is also detrimental and can ingrain limiting beliefs. For example, being labelled as a student who needs extra time perpetuates “I am not very good at X”. And extra time may not be what they need so intrinsic motivation to work hard is lost as the internal voice says, “Why should I put the effort in?”
Putting the lens of neuroplasticity on learning challenges can help change the conversation and shift limiting beliefs in both the teacher and the learner. For example, explaining to students that a test is a snapshot of where they are at at a particular moment in time and does not predict their future performance is important. Combining this growth mindset with prompts that encourage effort in the learning process empowers them and shifts the focus away from results alone:
- I like how you showed your work here.
- I like the way you did this part.
- Do you see where it went sideways?
- Do you see where you can be more consistent OR expand/build on that part?
Studying can be another area of challenge from not knowing where to start, to not understanding the content, to not being able to concentrate. It is important to always assume people are doing their best. Instead of simply telling them to try harder, find ways to help them do just that. You can start with an example that sets them up for success or scaffold the concept for them.
| DON’T SAY: | INSTEAD, SAY: |
| “Come after school if you need help” which puts the focus on them. | “If you want to learn X, we can work on it together after school” which puts the focus on the subject matter. |
From there, provide opportunities for incremental success and improvement.
Students who are neurodivergent are more at risk than neurotypical peers of internalizing what they perceive as judgments as absolute truths about themselves. For example, “This is your best work ever” could be internalized as a new standard they must achieve which can be stress-provoking and then impact performance. Or they could internalize it as “this is the best I am ever going to do”.
Giving acknowledgement in a broader framing that doesn’t set a bar can look like:
| DON’T SAY: | INSTEAD, SAY: |
| “This is your best mark ever” may even send the message that this is the best they are ever going to do. | “What were you proud of about this test?” Which helps them tune into different dimensions of the result and their learning process. |
| “This is your best painting ever.” cements the performance in a way that may demotivate them from painting further | “This is a great painting”
OR “I love how you made this” which focuses less on the outcome and more on the process |
| “This is the best story you have ever written” frames it as an absolute | “I love the characters in this story” which is more qualitative |
Where possible, use open-ended acknowledgments to reinforce a growth mindset that suggests they are doing well in their learning and welcomes ongoing pursuit instead of setting a fixed standard.
Imagine if we all had a more open-ended sense of our abilities and that what we call “accommodations” in classrooms were treated, more accurately, as a shift in attitude towards how we all learn. What if we could each walk into any environment and always be seen as and were supported to be our best selves?
When we hold limiting beliefs, we limit possibilities. So, the next time you are coaching a young person or even yourself, ask whether your framing of the situation is entrenching old beliefs or creating possibilities to explore.
Alex is a Neurodiversity Consultant, Trainer and Coach who works with parents and educators to provide strategies and resources for neurodivergent kids living with ADHD, Autism, Learning Disabilities, and other Brain-Based Differences. Her vast knowledge and experience stems from being a parent of two teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder, each living with multiple diagnoses, and being neurodivergent herself. This immersive lens enables Alex to deliver a wide range of support and resources helping parents and educators to understand “the why” behind behaviours and challenges, strengthening mindset and problem-solving tools needed in order to help guide children and teens to become resilient, independent and successful adults.